From Elgeis Minecraft Server Wiki
Jump to navigation Jump to search


GoatWhisperer is one of the oldest politicians and businessmen on the server, having been the first player to join. He founded HUM, a merchant state whose roots were in banking, and consequently served as the first Chairman of HUM, setting the foundations for the state's architecture and international policy. He was the lead architect of the late Sylvian Union and wrote the Sylvian Charter, proceeding to serve as the second Consul of the Sylvian Union and as a thought leader on a myriad of issues throughout the Union's tenure. Later, he led reformation efforts to democratize and codify HUM's government, creating a three-man Central Security Commission to lead the state and securing universal suffrage through a universal deliberative body called the Ecclesia. He continues to work toward the development of his home city of Properpolis, and remains an active figure in international deliberations.

His first home, the HUM Great Hall (commonly called the Observatory), lies in the heart of HUM, southwest of most of Montrose and northwest of Fianna. During his time as Consul, he relocated to live in the Consul's office in the Sylvian Federal Province to focus on its development. Afterward, he moved to a small penthouse-style home nestled in the Mushroom Islands in the southeast, where the secrets of the true nature of reality were revealed to him by Mother Fungus. Focussing again on state projects, he relocated again to the Aquascissors Memorial Governance Building (commonly called the HUM Skyscraper) during its construction. Currently, he is technically homeless, pouring most of his personal possessions into state projects.


Chairman of HUM

Main Article: HUM Chairman

GoatWhisperer was the founder of HUM and the Chairman until his inauguration as the Consul of the Sylvian Union. The Chairman of HUM was a more-or-less autocratic figure in charge of the state. A loosely-defined Board of Directors served an analogous role to Vailan's High Table, with the additional benefit of ruling over portions of land, but largely the priorities and actions of the state were at the Chairman's command. As Chairman, he led the HUM wall initiative, and established the Hummite banking service as a means to protect HUM from outside invasion and add weight to Hummite sentiment on the international stage. He embarked on many unique ventures, such as the world's first library, automated trading via a Trading Bazaar, and convenient shipping of goods via massive cargo rail lines. Many of these efforts, while often ahead of their time, inspired similar efforts which continue to shape the world today (see: Archives of Montrose). Finally, on the global stage, GoatWhisperer pioneered HUM's signature brand of judicious interventionism.

Foundational Foreign Policy

Originally, GoatWhisperer believed an isolationist stance was necessary to ensure global business relations could be made. However, as time progressed and HUM's banking services became less and less the forefront of their interests, GoatWhisperer realized his action could assist in creating a more stable, less dangerous world (i.e., a world more attuned to commerce). With this guiding principle of ensuring global stability for the sake of business, GoatWhisperer became increasingly interventionist in regional conflicts. In skirmishes with the since-dissolved Dark Forest Trading Co.., HUM supported their neighbor and historical trade partner Montrose. Furthermore, under GoatWhisperer, HUM was a key participant in the Prosperity League's efforts against the South Sea Coalition. In some cases, as seen in the Bagelonian-Tsarevetan Conflict, GoatWhisperer intervened to punish wrongdoing even where his assistance was not welcomed by either side.

GoatWhisperer's reign caused controversy in certain populations across the server. The high-minded ideas and initiatives of the Chairman and later Consul occasionally stepped on the toes of local populations, including RnanG (who had not announced their land claims, leading to the Federal Province being built in their lands), Bagelonia (whose land was inadvertently imperialized with the HUM Trading Bazaar, and later was disobeyed in the Bagelonian-Tsarevetan Conflict), and Tsarevets (whom he damaged in an interventionist act during the Bagelonian-Tsarevetan Conflict, an action which has been decried as "having nothing to do with you [GoatWhisperer] at all".) However, the Chairman maintains that his actions were in line with the goal of seeking a more stable, law-abiding world for the sake of business.

Consul of the Sylvian Union

GoatWhisperer refrained from seeking consulship during the infancy of the Sylvian Union for several reasons: One, a need to focus on HUM's local issues, two, a belief that AbstractEgg would be the most nonpartisan executive to arbitrate any HUM-Montrose headbutting, and finally, a desire to see the Sylvian Union's democratic processes take place without requiring the author at the helm. However, after an extended inactivity bout from AbstractEgg, GoatWhisperer announced his willingness to seek the office.

As Consul, GoatWhisperer assigned new Commissionerships and modernized Sylvia's martial readiness to an unprecedented degree. Utilizing each of the Sylvians' unique strengths, Sylvia flourished in new public works headed by FlyingGMM, foreign relations boosted by ClapYoThighs, a new Federal province developed by GoatWhisperer himself, and military planning and coordination to ensure rapid response to any outside threat. He appointed FlyingGMM as the Sylvian Marshal, a position he would serve in until the Union's dissolution. He also created the Hero of the Union award.


On the foreign stage, Eastern historians mark GoatWhisperer's election as a "thawing" turning point. Describing it as a "Detente" period, they believe GoatWhisperer's diplomatic reforms segued away from the AbstractEgg administration which was slow to respond and took hardline approaches to international matters. GoatWhisperer spearheaded new implementations like the Red Phone, a direct line between goomyman77 and GoatWhisperer to deescalate possible flashpoints.


During GoatWhisperer's reign as Consul, he began to experiment with custom items-- novelty products he branded as "Goatwear". The first of these, pairs of dyed leather pants titled "Extremely Tight Pants", were enchanted with Curse of Binding in order to give the impression the pants were so tight they were impossible to take off. Such creative products sparked an entirely new passion in GoatWhisperer, leading to his renewed interest in the commerce which had originally led him to found HUM. As his time in office grew longer and he began to prepare to retire, he began building a storefront on a mushroom island in the southwest and prepared to offer these novelty goods there.

While working on the mushroom island, GoatWhisperer was struck with a series of revelations pointing toward the existence of a mycelium-based superorganism whose tendrils stretched over the entire world known as Mother Fungus. He created a shrine to Mother Fungus and a religion known as the Fungal Concordant.

When a then-Sylvian citizen BadhorsieJake was arrested by forces from the Kingdom of Vailan, GoatWhisperer brought him a poison potion under the guise of delivering a poem he wrote on-the-spot called A Sylvian Hymn. This poison allowed the prisoner to kill himself and escape Vailic captivity. As such, the Kingdom of Vailan demanded justice for this act and wanted to hold the Sylvian Union accountable. Wanting the blame to fall solely on his own shoulders, GoatWhisperer seceded from the Sylvian Union to form the state of Goatwear on the island in the hopes that his countrymen wouldn't have to pay the price for his rabid nationalism.

Eventually, GoatWhisperer went to Vailan for retribution talks and was ordered to create a song of his misdeeds as punishment. He created Goat's a Rotten Scoundrel and was subsequently freed. After this, Goatwear was reabsorbed into HUM. This would not, however, be the end of hostilities with Vailan, and the Goatwear project was sidelined with the advent of the War of Northern Aggression.

War of Northern Aggression

During the War of Northern Aggression, GoatWhisperer was a part of several efforts on the Sylvian defense. Initially, when Consul argetlam04 attempted to offer humiliating concessions to the Kingdom of Vailan in exchange for their mercy, GoatWhisperer was among the first to decry the offers and was a vocal proponent of recalling the Consul in response.

During the Battle of Gabeford, GoatWhisperer rounded up Hummite reinforcements and deployed to the scene of battle. Despite using lava buckets, TNT, and every other trick the Hummites could think of, they were unable to fell Flashy10, the main Vailic antagonist present at the battle. The entire Hummite squadron was massacred, but continued to redeploy to the area.

During the war, Oarfans, the namesake of the Oarfanist faith adhered to by Vailan at the time, returned and aided in the conflict. GoatWhisperer promptly killed him, and is the only person known to have done so.

GoatWhisperer was a key figure in TNT cannon efforts beseiging the Vailic city of Fjall, leading these efforts alongside the Sylvian Marshal FlyingGMM. At one point, upset over vetous's dishonorable use of a faction-claimed door to avoid certain death while the two were fighting, he built an extremely elevated, faction-claimed TNT cannon with a small hut on the back. The cannon, dubbed Cannon-House, featured a wooden door that was used to shut vetous out and prevent him from harming GoatWhisperer in the same way vetous had done earlier. He proceeded to bombard Fjall with TNT and pepper it with fire charges, retreating to the hut when vetous drew near.

HUM in Sylvia

Upon rejoining HUM, GoatWhisperer was once again granted the position of Chairman. GoatWhisperer renewed a push for urbanization, hoping a dense community would save faction power from claims and make HUM Proper (today called Properpolis) a world-renowned spectacle. To this end, the landscape was flattened, the famous Aquascissors Memorial Governance Building was erected using mushroom stems (to channel Mother Fungus's presence there), and streets begun to be laid out.


Fully walled off on the Sylvian continent by Montrose, HUM often had to search elsewhere for territory. As such, GoatWhisperer was an advocate for mergers with other states so long as the populations would be suitable Hummites. GoatWhisperer was a champion of several mergers which HUM completed, including those with Tautona, ToeGANG, and later Etel Metsia.

"Redemption" Recruitment

HUM's selective recruitment led to citizens in the state being highly capable, but not very active. In order to rebalance this, GoatWhisperer recruited and vouched for several high-activity individuals after they had problems with their previous states, despite their difficult backgrounds. This tradition started as far back as aquascissors, and includes MTJNC (who was recruited after being booted from Rhett) and MiksaSerbia (whose former nations are too numerous to catalogue). While, sadly, these citizens' headstrong ideologies led to them eventually moving on from HUM as well, much of the facilities and builds that were created during this time came from transient citizens such as these. The Ilyrian district of Properpolis is an excellent example of such a feat, as the entire section of the city was created by MiksaSerbia in a number of days. Similarly, the artificial mushroom biome in Properpolis was created by MTJNC.

Reformation of HUM Government

Main Article: [1] While the Chairman had always sought his citizens' approval before acting, it was never legally required. Recognizing that "people will do the right thing" is a horrible basis for an autocratic position, and knowing he would not always be the one in charge, GoatWhisperer set to work drafting a stronger, more codified government to ensure that power could be exchanged peacefully and that disputes could be legitimately arbitrated.

Under the new government:

  • Universal suffrage was created via a deliberative body called the Ecclesia.
  • The previously autocratic Chairman became a domestically-focused head of government, serving alongside a Chief General acting as head of the military and a Chancellor acting as head of state. All three positions are, directly or indirectly, chosen with the consent of the Ecclesia.
  • These three officials formed the Central Security Commission, a body tasked with ensuring national security and monitoring sensitive situations. They may vote to take emergent actions that would usually require a full vote of the Ecclesia, but must bring such actions to light for ratification by the Ecclesia within two weeks.
  • The Directors of HUM, formerly more akin to land-controlling lords, became administrative assistants to the Chairman.
  • Local laws were recognized with the creation of Settlement law, encouraging like-minded citizens to live together in settlements governed by common rules.

Intra-Sylvian Politics

Within the Sylvian Parliament, GoatWhisperer was often mislabeled a flat-out isolationist. While his most fervent displays on the floor of the Parliament were often in favor of isolationism, and he founded the Sylvian Isolationist Party as a bulwark against growing interventionist sentiment, GoatWhisperer believed intervention was a tool to be used judiciously and surgically. When obligations to intervene were unclear, GoatWhisperer favored clean, quick interventions, while he dragged his feet on more prolonged, wider interventions such as those in the Balkan Troubles.

He often found himself opposite FlyingGMM in these discussions, who had less concern for public image and more concern for justice in the purest sense. Barring the clearest of moral outrages, whenever GoatWhisperer tended to want to leave the situation alone, FlyingGMM tended to want to involve the Sylvian Union; vice versa, when FlyingGMM wanted to leave a situation be, GoatWhisperer often argued in favor of intervention. One such microcosm could be seen during the Schevakian dissolution. On Sylvia's relationship to the splinter states, GoatWhisperer believed a new order on the continent must be settled naturally by those native to the continent interacting with each other. In other words, he believed Sylvia should take a step back and allow the Schevakians to find a new political balance without undue influence. FlyingGMM, conversely, believed the weakened Schevakians needed a guardian and arbiter now more than ever. A suboptimal compromise was reached of defending the former Schevakians only against outside forces, along which lines the Sylvian Union was brought into the Balkan Troubles.

Despite not usually wielding a vote, GoatWhisperer was one of the most renowned voices in the Sylvian Union, especially in regard to foreign relations. He had a close personal relationship with most of the Sylvian Consuls and often advised them on political matters domestic and abroad. As one of the most accomplished negotiators, he often coaxed adversaries of the Union into taking part in peace negotiations. This skill was used to allow Sylvia to make peace with most of the Balkan Federation, with the exception of the remaining member(s) of the Black Hand. However, just as often, GoatWhisperer and other Hummites felt the delicate negotiations and good rapport they built up were carelessly trampled by more headstrong members of the Union, seeding a resentment across diplomatically-inclined Hummites that eventually led to HUM motioning for the dissolution of the Union.

Independent HUM

After the dissolution of the Sylvian Union, GoatWhisperer immediately sought (and acquired) an alliance with the Kingdom of Vailan. While the leadership of HUM and of Vailan often got along, HUM's position in the Sylvian Union often put it at odds with the northern state. He met the Vailic leadership and exchanged gifts with them to commemorate the historic alliance. He continues to spearhead domestic and foreign initiatives as a member of the Central Security Commission, maintaining the same sensitive approach to negotiation and firebrand resolve that HUM is known for.