Slummite Fables: Difference between revisions

 

The text is sold in the [[Goatwear Industries|Goatwear]] [[C.O.M.B.O. machine]], also located in [[Properpolis]].

''HUM Federated Merchant Republic''

 

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Under Chairman GoatWhisperer, I was dispatched on a special mission of anthropologic importance. The Chairman asked me to determine "why are the inhabitants of the slums so strange?" He sent me to live among the slums for six sun-cycles to learn all I could about the Hummites' reclusive neighbors, the Slummites. My findings are beyond any current boundary of cultural Hummite scholarship, and I am ecstatic to share them with you now, interspersed with my own annotations. I hope you enjoy.

 

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In the slums, I found a great amount of cultural practices and stories were passed through oral tradition. Writing in the slums seemed to consist mostly of crude drawings on rocks, but many atime a piece of furniture or building material would be set alight, and around it many stories were told, with much laughter, emotion and traditional songs sang. One such song detailed the arrival of the Slummite people to this part of the world, and every Slummite of every gender, age and severity of disease or decomposition knew almost every word. The tradition was breathtaking to hear firsthand, and I have transcribed an Overworld Common translation of the song below which appears to originate in some dialect of Mantrosikin...

And started to do labor

 

 

Everything we needed we got from the Hummite's trash

The Slummites appear to have lashed together homes out of any materials that fell from the Hummite civilization up above. One hut appeared to be comprised of nothing but scaffolding. Another was composed of a large red mushroom top laid upon planks. One soul even had a bedroll on the open ground with a scrap of carpet left over from the construction of HUM Aquascissors Memorial Governance Building suspended across like a hammock to block the rain. Additionally, upon request an elder inhabitant might show you an ancient sword, shield or helmet that appears to be early Montrosian in nature, though deeply weathered. They tell me they are family heirlooms, and some of them seem to regard these items, as well as assorted materials falling from the sky, as coming "not from this world". When materials grow scarce they tell me they perform ritual sacrifices of baby cows, baby sheep, and even the occasional wandering trader to appease the "Material Gods" (as the term is translated in Overworld Common). Sure enough, they say, when a large enough sacrifice is made, a bounty of discarded materials will rain from the cliff above.

 

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One of the only major contacts the Slummites have had with the outside world was when internationally sought criminal [[PizzasWithBone]] hid among their village during his first spree of terror. This event is quite significant and appears to be memorialized in a short folktale they call simply The Bandit. Translated into Overworld Common...

'''Moral:''' Many small good deeds can defeat a great evil, if they stick together.

 

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The Slummites are not the only people who lived in the periphery of the internationally known Hummites' homeland. Once upon a time, a race of underground-dwelling people called the [[Yanshu]] built tunnels underneath the Hummites' great city of Properpolis. These tunnels were discovered during an excavation to extend the main roads of the city. When they discovered, they were abandoned with the only trace of their presence being signs in their insular language saying: "Mole King Greets You"

'''Moral:''' Sometimes when you have more friends than food, your friends must become your food.

 

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This concludes the collection of stories I was told by the inhabitants of the slums of HUM's Properpolis. They appear to be a largely uncontacted tribe, allegedly hailing from an ancient detachment of Montrosian soldiers sent to the Water Boys. However, due to the pollution HUM continues to dispose of in this area, it appears that the people have grown phenotypically different from their ancestors, with characteristics of some Slummites being additional eyes and appendages, little-to-no perception of non-moving objects, and a deep distaste for hygeine.

This may be the most substantial work of scholarship investigating the Slummite people so far, but with such a fascinating culture, I do not expect it to be the last. Thank you for your time.

 

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Sorry about this, everyone. Pseudoscience, our Minister of Roughhousing, happens to be a snowman. As bumbling snowmen tend to wander, it should be no surprise that when I left the door to his office open, he was nowhere to be found for six days until we found him in a cobbled-together hut in the Slums. He was reluctant to return, but when we finally apprehended him, he provided me this text and -insisted- I publish it. Due to it being written with coal and covered in melting snow, I was forced to rewrite it, but I hope you enjoyed Dr. Snow Pseudoscience, V.hD., as he performed a deep dive into the hole HUM throws its trash down. I don't get it.

 

Special Thanks to [[AbstractEgg]], key architect of the Slums Project